After The Fall

Tomorrow would have been my dad's 72nd birthday. Two years ago he was dying in a hospital while his second wife picked a fight and ran my brother and I off on two separate occasions. This time last year I didn't think about him. This year I did.

After The Fall

I lit another candle today
but not for you per se
but you still came to mind
how many years left behind?

Dreaming through these golden leaves
as one whose heart still grieves
for what could never be
and what never was in reality

So the heavens drop a tear in return
Some lessons are not meant to be learned
They're really not lessons at all
they're just the sky crying after the fall.

And so I bury my thoughts inside
as if my soul could hide
forever what I'm feeling
it just leaves my mind reeling

An open door breaks my reverie
a rushing wind of clarity
that I neither asked for nor wanted
yet it arrives undaunted

as the heavens drop a tear in return
Some lessons are not meant to be learned
They're really not lessons at all
they're just the sky crying after the fall.

And the chill is on its way, I know
Isn't that the way all things go
I'll fight this fire with fire
until I shiver uninspired and tired
waiting, waiting on the snow...

and the heavens drop a tear in return
Some lessons are not meant to be learned
They're really not lessons at all
they're just the sky crying after the fall.

c.10/30/2009 by Bob Young

Faith, hope, and love

So these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the best one of these is love.
(1Co 13:13)

I was having lunch with my friends Chris and Kevin the other day and we were talking about hard times that are upon two-thirds of us. We've all seen hard times before, and over the years we've learned to trust God more and more through them. His past deliverances speak hope into our current problems. That's the way it works.

But I was reflecting on the fear I still felt having to face yet another crisis - one of the fears being that I lose heart again just before God rescues me. But what seems even worse - remaining full of faith past the point where I've lost faith before... and God NOT rescuing me just yet, but rather leaving me hanging, waiting, the dull ache of desperation lingering.

I got to thinking about nature of the whole "transaction" - I hold out HOPE that God will rescue me like He has done in the past, and I take risks in FAITH (confidence) that the hope will be realized in His perfect timing (so I can brag about Him and His powerful, timely, poetic deliverance and not about my own smarts & skills). But something is missing... why am I still feeling the fear?

No fear exists where his love is. Rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn't have perfect love.
(1Jn 4:18)

God didn't give us a cowardly spirit but a spirit of power, love, and good judgment.
(2Ti 1:7)

No fear exists in LOVE. God didn't give us a spirit of fear, of cowardice. So who did give it? Oh... the enemy of faith, hope, and love. And perfect love gets rid of fear...

So I pray, "Oh God, fill my heart, my soul, my being with your love. I hope in you. I take face the risks before me in confidence of who you are, remembering what you have done (and what you promise to do). But I desperately need more of your love in me. Vanquish the fear that lurks, that tries to sneak in (and, to be honest, has snuck in). Help me to avoid a life of me-centered fear and instead radiate others-centered love through the power of your Spirit. Amen."

What do you want...really?

It hasn’t happened yet. As I write this, I’m 48 years old (but feel like 28). I have four children still at home and a wife of 27 years who loves me very much. I have a little software business I started 17 years ago that has paid the bills, but nothing to speak of set aside for retirement. I’m a composer and musician with a pretty good band, but we can’t quit our day jobs to go full-time so we play at festivals, fundraisers, and coffee houses when we can and record on a shoe string. My family attends a church that the kids love, but it honestly doesn’t really feel like home. We’re not depressed or sad – we’re actually very grateful and content for now because we’ve been in much, much worse situations. All in all things are pretty good. Which is why it’s all going to have to change.

Over the years I’ve been taught many things (books, television, seminars, and even churches) and have found that a lot of it really doesn’t work out in practical experience. Life has a way of making liars out of us. Even my own beliefs have changed and changed back again so many times that I’m left with more questions than answers… but I’m finally OK with that. But a few things that I have come to believe grow stronger and stronger in my mind and my life as I see them play out in reality over and over:

• I believe – heck, I KNOW -- that everything you want requires some kind of sacrifice.
• I believe that every success requires risk (and it’s essential counter-part… faith).
• I’m beginning to believe that the best way to seeing your own dreams come true is to help fulfill the dreams of others.

The book of Proverbs, wise sayings largely collected by Solomon, says “Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Hmm… what are the “desires of my heart”? Does the Lord give me what I want, or does he give me the right desires, and THEN give me what I now want? Wait – why am I focusing on what I WANT? The passage says I’m supposed to delight in THE LORD… my wants are not the issue. I have to really, really, really, really believe that my deepest desires will naturally be fulfilled – by God Himself – and stop worrying about that and start thinking more about what makes God happy.

So what makes God happy? Well, if God is our “father”, then maybe I have a clue - what would make me as a father happy? Seeing my kids grow up to become joyful, loving, wise, successful people who have a positive impact on the world – that would be a nice start. Quite the opposite of the family in Harry Chapin’s class song “Cats In The Cradle”:

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then.

Self-centeredness really is destructive. The “Me” Generation left us millions of selfish land “mines” – careful where you step, one of them may explode. I've been one of them. The way of love – the very way that Jesus himself taught – is the opposite of that. When I cross paths with someone who really knows how to love, I don’t fear an explosion for having violated their territory; instead, I feel invigorated, more alive than before I chanced upon them. I feel loved and want to pass that love along. I feel more ALIVE. I want to be the kind of person who breathes life into others by my love... God's kind of love.

I'm struck by the question "What do you want...really?" A character in a film or play is driven by what they desire, both secretly and openly. The choices the character makes reveal who they are and drive the story of their life. What do my choices tell about me? What kind of story am I living out? Could it be a better story? If so, how? What do I want... really? I know what I say I want, but what do I really want down deep in my heart?

I think this is a question that can't be left on the coffee table to collect dust... do I really delight in God and actively partner with Him in the things that bring Him joy? Do I really want to see His kids full of joy, life, peace, and growth - do I want that so much that I invest my time, money, creativity, etc. to see that happen?

I started asking this question almost two years ago - this blog post was really written back then and has been adapted to now because this must be the lesson God keeps repeating until I get it and can move on to the next lesson. What do I REALLY want? And... what am I doing about it?

Jesus Lit the Menorah

I've written a few Christmas tunes (not enough for a complete album...yet). Here's another one for the pile, though. I was thinking about The Junction's upcoming "Hope For The Holidays" event on Dec 5, 2009 and "out of the blue" (I love that place) the thought hit me that as a boy and as a man, Jesus would have celebrated Hannukah along with everyone else in remembrance of the miracles experienced. I find his Jewishness intriguing, inspiring, and incredibly relevant. I want to understand that better. I had to do a little research, and I'm sure that some of this may sound to a Jew like a Martian commemorating an Independence Day celebration, but here goes:

Jesus Lit The Menorah

Snow was falling somewhere, but not there
No carols being sung there, or anywhere
No mistletoe, no ho-ho-ho
No candy canes, no tv show

When Jesus lit the menorah,
Jesus lit the menorah.

For eight nights in December, he remembered
The miracle in the temple, it was simple:
One night's supply of candle light
for eight straight nights kept burning bright.

So Jesus lit the menorah,
Jesus lit the menorah.

And they offered prayers as a family...
And they blessed their God as a community...
And they lit the candles in unity...

Jesus lit the menorah (Hanukiah - for the miracles)
Jesus lit the menorah (Hanukiah - for the wonders)
Jesus lit the menorah (Hanukiah - for redemption)
Jesus lit the menorah (Hanukiah - for salvation)

(Blessed are You, LORD, our God,
King of the universe,
Who performed miracles for our ancestors
in those days at this time...)

10/4/2009 by Bob Young

Head vs. Heart

The following is from a ridiculously long email I sent to a friend regarding the question "If we are to live holy we must know what is right and what is wrong", which I suggested gets into "how" we "know" anything. Here's what I had to say (with a few selective edits)...

There are two kinds of knowledge - rational/natural/head knowledge and instinctive/supernatural/heart knowledge.

I rationally know that 2+ 2 = 4, Lansing is the capital of Michigan, etc. I've been led astray though by false syllogisms, faulty logic, and emotional manipulation (guilt, pressure, shame, etc) posing as knowledge.

I instinctively know that Joyce is the one for me, that God is real, that Jesus' way is best, that there is a hope for those who follow him. I can't prove these things rationally, but I do know them in a way more enduring than reason.

For the follower of God, heart knowledge is superior to head knowledge, and has a pervasive effect on one's life because God has given us a new heart in fulfillment of the covenant in Jeremiah so that our heart is no longer deceitful above all things and untrustworthy. For a true believer, following your heart is tantamount to following God (though for an unbeliever that's impossible; at best it's following self-centered whims). The Holy Spirit indwells the heart and communicates through it.

The mind, on the other hand, is still affected by the god of this world and must be renewed, transformed, every thought must be "held captive to the obedience of Christ" as Paul wrote. It is the mind that fears, worries, doubts - these do not occur in the heart. It is the mind that must be subjugated to the heart where we KNOW in ways we can't rationally explain that God is good, trustworthy, merciful, and will defend us now or in the end.

When we approach scripture, we need to learn to interpret it with our hearts, not merely our minds. That is not to say that reason has no place, but it does not have the preeminence. Reason is subordinated to the Holy Spirit who assures us at a much deeper level of what is true and what isn't.

I have lost arguments and been "convinced" rationally to follow someone who claimed to have the correct interpretation of scripture only to find that it wasn't the whole counsel of God and that my heart (and Joyce's) had been warning against it all along but we refused to heed that innermost warning. It cost us many years and tears, but God is good, we have been forgiven, and we forgive in return for all He's done for us.

I know now that I must come to scripture with humility, realizing that the reality of God is greater than any doctrinal statement about Him, that His wisdom exceeds our best attempts to grasp it, that His love is so endless that I have little clue and yet so desperately need to embrace it.

I'm not worried about "living holy" - if I love Him, it will occur both naturally and supernaturally. I'm not in fear of disappointing God - God has already paid my price and has not given us the spirit of fear (and I know who does give such a spirit and he is my enemy). Love fulfills the law. Perfect love casts out all fear. Love is far more powerful than condemnation. Everyone who loves is born of God and knows God (1 John 4:8).

Sometimes it seems like people pick over the teachings of Moses, Jesus, Paul, etc. and strain at gnats to feel self-assured of their correctness (a la the Pharisees in scripture) while at the same time totally avoiding DOING the teachings. James lets us know that this is empty, dead, in vain. We don't do works to earn anything, but if we've been changed by His love and grace and power, we will do good works because of who we now are - it's just what kingdom kids do. It's their DNA.

So as I follow God, as I try to more and more follow the way of Jesus, I plan to follow my heart in the process - it won't mislead me like faulty logic has.

P.S. I may have misspoken here or there, stated something that on further review I don't agree with quite that way, but it's like Bluto in Animal House giving his speech - "Don't stop him - he's on a roll..." Anything I said that is true is not true because I said it, but because God made it that way. I accept responsibility for anything less than true. :)